“Unleashing the Inner Powerhouse With Some Game-Changing Confidence Boosters!”
Confidence is an interesting word. According to the dictionary it means:
- The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
- A state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
- Feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
In more general terms, I would suggest that it means that I can trust myself, another person, or persons, a situation, or thing.
The Question I Like To Ask, And Work With, Is, How Do We Get To That Place Of Confidence If We Do Not Already Have It?
The Answer To This Question Is, We Learn To Trust
The reason I choose to answer in this way is because of my 20 plus years of work as a therapist working in the field of human behaviour as a holistic coach, psychotherapist, and counsellor. In my observations and work with hundreds of clients and students, I have come to understand some of the intricacies at play with people not feeling or being confident.
An example of this can be demonstrated and highlighted with the work I do with Public Speaking, which is said to be one of the top ten fears. There are a few names given for this fear of public speaking, glossophobia, speech anxiety, social phobia. It seems that people like to have labels. For me it comes down to our past experiences (often through some sort of trauma) and the loss of trust in ourselves, another person, or persons, a situation, or thing.
I have found that by exploring and going (back) to the core issue of where the trust was lost and working with some therapeutic tools and resources to restore the lost trust, people can overcome their traumas, old beliefs and stories and speak quite confidently in front of an audience. I have witnessed this time and time again. The secret is to find that core experience and bring in some understanding about it and then move on from it (by using exploration and implementing some good tools and resources).
I’ll share an example of this from someone I recently worked with. She (let’s call her Jane) wanted to improve her public speaking and be able to stand in front of people to share some words about her new business.
I asked Jane to do an exercise with me, and do a life review, highlighting where, in the first 7, or 14 years she had any childhood experiences (traumas) that she thought might affect her public speaking. This is where I begin the process with my clients and students in my public speaking work. If it’s not in the first 7 or 14 years, which is quite rare, then I move on to between 14 and 21. The causal story we are seeking is generally not much after this age.
She identified a time when she was 5. It took all of 2-minutes. She started to cry as it dawned on her how this incident had affected her for over 40 years, stopping her from feeling confident with her public speaking. She saw the incident in her mind. We explored it and found some clarity around it, resourced her to deal with it now, in the present moment as ‘the adult’ (I have psychotherapeutic processes I use for this), and got her to stand up and speak.
After a couple of practice runs, she spoke much more confidently. We then added a few other details to make it even more entertaining and by the end of our time together she said she had it all under control. She had regained her inner trust, the trust she had lost during the childhood incident. She also regained a trust of others by working with me (someone she learned to trust through our process together), and a trust in the environment as we created a safe space together.
In essence what Jane did was to become present as the adult in the situation and take care of the ‘inner child’. This scenario is common. I find that nearly all my clients or students experience this. Using specific techniques and processes people can transform their fears, doubts, anxieties, phobias, or whatever they like to call them, and become confident speakers.
Trying to find more confidence with other things in life is the same. I use similar techniques and processes with people who lack confidence with relationships, sex, work, sport, writing, teaching, and a myriad of other things. I simply help them to restore their trust.
My Question To You, The Reader, Is, Where Do You Lack Confidence? What Aspect/s Of Your Life Would You Like To Improve And Gain More Confidence?
To answer this question, you will have to take some time to think and even feel into what that might be. This is often the first hurdle for people, making the time to do this. Busy, is the word I hear so much. I’m too busy to do any workshop or inner work. Sadly, if people could understand how freeing their lives could be if they dedicated some time, they may choose differently.
It is ironic that the very thing, a little bit of confidence is the thing required to build even more confidence. It is the same for faith, courage, clarity, or belief, one must allow a little bit in to eventually feel the full measure of it.
This is what Jane did, she let a little bit in, and it build up, over time until she could stand in her full confident self and speak to an audience in public – and you can do the same!
About The Author
Adrian Hanks is a holistic coach, counsellor, and psychotherapist who lives in Australia.
Adrian is a passionate writer and a student and observer of human behaviour. This has come about from his 30 years of study, training, work, and initiatives with ‘Anthroposophy’ and the work of Rudolf Steiner, and many other life experiences.
Adrian offers his ‘work’ as Holistic Coach, Counsellor, Psychotherapist, and Professional Speaker. He loves to support people in looking after, and investing in, their greatest asset – their own health and wellbeing.
He is also the Director of The Blue Wren Foundation (his charity organisation working with Relationship Education for men (and women)) and is a Co-Director of The Corporate Alchemist Project (health, wellbeing, and optimum performance guidance for people in the business and corporate space).
Adrian lives in Australia, loves to travel, and spends time in the bush (forest/outback), in the ocean, sitting around a campfire playing the didgeridoo or doing some crazy long-distance charity runs (60+ kilometres!). He’s married with a blended family of 6 adult children and has 5 grandchildren and 2 adult Goddaughters.