Carly Evans on Stop Playing Small: How Healing Relationship Wounds Expands Your Leadership
Why Your Relationships Are Your Leadership Strategy
I’ve worked with women from all walks of life for nearly two decades, and here’s what I know: the way you show up in your relationships shows up everywhere – including your work. If you’ve found yourself people-pleasing, second-guessing, or overextending in your personal life, chances are it’s also impacting your ability to be the best leader you can be.
No amount of productivity hacks, business strategies, or hustle and grind will fix the fact that you’re driven by unhealed patterns. If you keep attracting unhealthy relationships outside of business, you’re likely attracting unhealthy dynamics inside of it too – with clients, colleagues, and even your team.
The future of coaching and consulting isn’t just about better systems. It’s about helping female leaders heal the patterns that keep them playing small.
From People-Pleasing to Power
For years, I attracted relationships where I over-gave, over-functioned, and tolerated far too much, leading to constant rescuing/enabling. It took me many years to realise that my unhealed wounds of rejection and abandonment were keeping me playing small in my business.
It’s the same for many female entrepreneurs. We show up strong, successful, and seemingly in control – but behind closed doors we’re crumbling under the weight of trying to be everything to everyone.
In the coaching world, I’m seeing a big shift: women no longer want to bypass the messy stuff. They want to face their vulnerabilities, heal them through shadow work, and finally break the cycle. Because when you do, you stop bleeding energy into relationships (personal or professional) that don’t serve you, and you start leading with clarity and confidence.
Coaching Meets Healing: The Trend That’s Here to Stay
The emerging trend in coaching and consulting is clear: leadership development now requires inner healing as much as professional development. We’re moving away from surface-level “mindset hacks” and towards deeper emotional reset work.
This looks like:
- Identifying and releasing the trauma patterns driving people-pleasing or self-sabotage.
- Building self-worth so you stop tolerating what drains you.
- Creating boundaries that support both your relationships and your revenue.
Business coaching is no longer just about strategy. It’s about integration – pairing practical business goals with tools that heal the person behind the business. Women who do this become unstoppable leaders, because they’re no longer running their empire on a shaky foundation.
What This Means for Women in Business
If you’re an entrepreneur, founder, or leader, your biggest asset isn’t your business plan – it’s you.
When you heal the relationship patterns that have kept you stuck, everything shifts:
- You stop wasting time on partnerships or clients that aren’t aligned.
- You make bolder, clearer decisions.
- You step into rooms (and boardrooms) with confidence instead of needing external validation.
This isn’t about becoming a “perfect leader.” It’s about becoming a grounded one – someone who knows her worth, honours her energy, and leads from authenticity. My business took the biggest leaps when I finally stepped into the true, authentic ME.
The Future Is Personal
In the next wave of coaching and consulting, I believe we’ll see more women stepping into leadership with both strategy and self-healing. The days of powering through with burnout, self-sacrifice, and toxic dynamics are numbered. I used to wear my burnout, self-sacrifice and endless multi-tasking as a badge of honour, but these days I really see the negative impact it was having on my life and business.
When you heal yourself, you don’t just change your love life – you change how you lead, who you attract, and what you build. And that’s the kind of future leadership we desperately need.
So here’s my question for you: what patterns do you need to heal in yourself before you can fully step into the leader you’re meant to be?
And my favourite all time question for you to ask yourself (regularly) is: if I 100% loved, honoured, trusted and respected myself, how would my life be different? Who would/wouldn’t be in it? Would I still run my business in the same way?
By Carly Evans
Author Bio:
Carly Evans is a trauma-informed Coach, Reiki teacher, energy practitioner and ex-Parole Officer with almost 20 years of experience helping women break free from toxic relationship cycles and step into their authentic power. Drawing on her own journey of healing from abuse, Carly now works with women worldwide to rebuild self-worth, clear emotional baggage, and create lives and businesses they love.
