To be honest, we actually laughed out loud when talking through this topic while driving home one morning after a meeting. Of course, it’s not inherently funny, why relationships fail. But there’s something oddly humorous about all the reasons relationships are doomed from the get-go or tend to implode somewhere along their trajectory.
The Reason It’s Funny Is This:
The bulk of a relationship failing is owing to the quality of the relationship we hold with ourselves. Sure, it’s easy to project onto someone else and make them the problem, but the most important relationship to start with when exploring relationship dynamics is how you relate to yourself.
Here’s The Truth On Why Relationships Fail:
Most people have no clue who they are and what they want. They also have no idea how to take responsibility for themselves. Their storylines and personal histories, their emotions or ability to effectively communicate and so spend the bulk of their lives in repetitive patterns, living out the same scenarios no matter who they date or end up with.
Ever heard the saying, “no matter where you go, there you are?” It’s a good one and is great to apply to romantic relationships. Here’s why: You (yes, you!) are the common denominator in all that you do in your life and in all the relationships you find yourself in (romantic and otherwise).
If you find you’re constantly in similar scenarios, dating people who aren’t the right fit for you, in a Groundhog Dog loop where things seem to often follow the same plot-points. Then it’s time to take a good look at yourself and ask what in you needs to be unpacked, understood, healed and matured so that you can embrace a relationship that’s going to be of service to who you truly are and what you want.
Speaking Of Your Desires, Have You Claimed Them Today?
Your desires (in and out of the bedroom) matter and only you can lay claim to them. One part of creating a successful relationship with another consenting human is to know what you want and how to ask for it.
From knowing your values and what’s important to you, to vocalising your desire to one day start a family, from stating your lifelong dream to live abroad, to telling someone how you like to be touched, successful (and soulful). Relationships usually consist of two people who are willing to claim their desires in life — not only asking their partner for what they want from them (which is very important) but also being willing to ask themselves for what they want, creating a life that feels personally aligned and fulfilling.
Let’s Be Real: You Usually Can’t Bake A Cake With lousy Ingredients, And The Same Goes For Creating A Thriving Relationship (Not Saying That Anyone Is lousy But You Get The Analogy).
It’s not often that two unfulfilled people who aren’t taking responsibility for their hopes, dreams and desires create an epic relationship together. So beyond being terribly mis-matched from the get-go and having very different life plans and desires, what makes a relationship thrive is you thriving!
What makes a relationship not fail or succumb to apathetically whiling away the time in a lacklustre existence of two mis-aligned people keeping one another company in favour of the abyss of the unknown. Is choosing to show up for life, healing yourself, knowing who you are and what you want. Then finding an epic human who is also willing to show up, do the work and co-create an extraordinary existence alongside you.
If you can relate this article as the old you, what did you change to become the person who in now sharing their life with that perfect someone?
About The Authors
Lacey Haynes and Flynn Talbot have been together for ten years and host one of the top sex podcasts in the UK. Their online course Sex Elevated has been taken by over 3000 couples worldwide and their lessons on sex and relationships have reached over half a million people.
The couple are known for sharing an easy to understand and relatable approach to healing and elevating sex in longterm relationships. The couple are also advocates for empowered birth and parenting, with both of their children’s freebirth stories making international headlines.
To find out more visit:
Check out their podcast Lacey & Flynn Have Sex and follow them on Instagram @laceyandflynn