The Best Negotiation May Be the One Nobody Notices

A negotiation can succeed without either side feeling that it has won. In fact, the moment one person starts celebrating a victory, the other may already be planning how to undo it.

Consider the agreement reached in January 2025 between US port employers and the union representing 45,000 dockworkers on the East and Gulf Coasts. After a strike had disrupted ports in October, the two sides reached a tentative six-year contract that averted another stoppage. The deal included substantial wage gains, while the difficult question of automation remained central to the dispute. The settlement was not simply about a number on a payslip. It was also about how technological change would affect workers’ futures.

That is what makes negotiation more complicated than haggling over a price. People often appear to be arguing about one thing while protecting something else: security, status, dignity, control, predictability or the fear of being left behind.

Imagine a small business owner negotiating with a valued employee who wants a large pay rise. The owner sees the cost. The employee sees years of contribution and worries that loyalty is being taken for granted. If they debate only the percentage, they may reach a dead end. If they explore what each side is trying to protect, other possibilities emerge: a smaller immediate rise, a scheduled review, extra responsibility, more flexibility or a clear route to promotion.

None of these options is automatically fair. The point is that a better question can reveal choices that were invisible when both sides were defending positions.

There is a catch, though. Looking for a mutually beneficial outcome does not mean pretending that interests always align. Some resources really are limited. A buyer wants to pay less; a seller wants to earn more. A worker wants better conditions; an employer has a budget. Goodwill cannot magically remove the conflict.

The skill lies in distinguishing the part that can be solved creatively from the part that requires a hard choice. It also means knowing when a proposed compromise is genuinely useful and when it merely asks the less powerful party to accept less.

This is one of the ideas behind negotiation that I explore in *Marta Skarbek’s This is Negotiation*: the conversation matters because the outcome is shaped by what people understand about one another, not just by the demands they put on the table.

A question worth asking is this: when you negotiate, are you trying to prove that you won—or to create an agreement that will still work six months later?

#Negotiation, #Communication, #Leadership, #ConflictResolution, #BusinessSkills, #Workplace, #ProblemSolving, #Management, #Trust, #MartaSkarbek